Identification of the Female Equestrian...

EASY TO LOCATE
She's either off on the horse/mule or out in the barn.

UPHOLDS THE DOUBLE STANDARD
Smooches with the most bewhiskered beast, but recoils when you need a shave.

OWNS ONE VACUUM CLEANER
and operates it exclusively in the barn.

A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY
providing the party is given by another horsey wife. Falls asleep in her soup at all other functions.

ECONOMY MINDED
Won't waste your money on permanents, facials, or manicures.

A CULINARY PERFECTIONIST
Checks every section of hay for mold but doesn't blink when she petrifies your dinner in the microwave.

OCCASIONALLY AMOROUS
but never leaves lipstick on your collar, at worst, slight trace of chapstick.

EASY TO OUTFIT
No need for embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little boutiques. You can find all she wears at your local tackstore.

FEATURES A SELECTIVE SENSE OF SMELL
Bitterly complains about your sticky-sweet cigar smoke while remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying next to the heater.

UNMISTAKABLE IN A BATHING SUIT
She's the one whose tan starts at the nose, ends at the neck, and picks up again at the wrists.

A DEDICATED CLUB WOMAN
as long as the words "horse" or "riding" appear in its name.

HAS YOUR LEISURE AT HEART
Eliminates grass cutting by turning every square inch of lawn into pasture which, in turn, converts itself into mud.

A MASTER AT MULTIPLICATION
She starts with one horse, adds a companion, and if it's a mare, she breeds it.

KEEPS AN EAGLE EYE ON THE BUDGET
Easily justifies spending six hundred dollars, but croaks when you blow ten on bowling.

AN ENGAGING CONVERSATIONALIST
Can rattle on endlessly abut training or breeding.

SOCIALLY AWARE
Knows that formal occasions call for clean boots.

A MOVING FORCE IN THE FAMILY
House by house, she'll get you to move closer to horse country (and farther away from your job).

EASY TO PLEASE
A new wheelbarrow, custom boots, or even a folding hoof pick will win her heart forever.

SENTIMENTAL FOOL
Displays a minimum of six 8x10 color photos of the horse in the house and carries a crumpled snapshot of you (taken before you were married) somewhere in the bottom of her purse.

SHOWS HER AFFECTION IN UNUSUAL WAYS
If she pats you on the neck and says "you're a good boy," believe it or not, she loves you!

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