Inglese Maccheronico

Tant ma tant temp ago, ce stava 'na little Cappucciett Red.

One mattin her mamm dissed: "Dear Cappucciett, take this cest to the nonn but warning to the lup that is very ma very kattiv! And torn prest! Good luck! And in boc at the lup!".
Cappucciett didn't capit very well this ultim thing but went away, da sol, with the cest.

Cammining cammining, in the cuor of the forest, at a cert punt she incontered the lup, who dissed:"Hi! Piccula piezz'e girl! 'Ndove do you go?".
"To the nonn with this little cest, which is little but it is full of a sacc of chocolate and biscots and panetons and more, more, more and
mirtills" she dissed.
"Ah, mannagg 'a maruschella (maybe an expression com: what a cul that I had)" dissed the lup, with a fium of saliv out of the bocc. And then the lup dissed:"Beh, now I dev andar because the telephonin is squilling, sorry."
And the lup went away, but not very away, but to the nonn's house.
Cappucciett Red, who was very ma very lent, lent un casin, continued for her sentier in the forest.

The lup arrived at the house, suoned the campanel, entered, and, after saluting the nonn, magned her in a boccon. Then, after sputing the dentier, he indossed the ridicol night berret and fikked himself in the let. When Cappucciett Red came to the fint nonn's house, suoned and entered. But when the little and a bit stupid girl saw the nonn (non was the nonn, but the lup, ricord!) dissed:"But nonn, why do you stay in let?".
And the nonn-lup: "Oh, I've stort my cavigl doing aerobics!".
"Oh, poor nonn!", said Cappucciett (she was more than a bit stupid, I think, wasn't she?). Then she dissed:"But... what big okks do you have? Do you bisogn some collir?".
"Oh, no! It's for see you better, my dear (stupid) little girl" dissed the nonn-lup. Then Cappucciett, who was more dur than a block of marm:
"But what big oreks do you have, do you have the orekkions?".
And the nonn-lup: "Oh, no! It is to ascolt you better".
And Cappucciett (that I think was now really rincoglionited) said: "But what big dents do you have!".
And the lup, that at this point wanted to dir: "Cassi tuoi mai?" (maybe an expression com: to buy to you the little machine, never?) dissed:"It
is to magn you better!" And magned really tutt quant the poor little red girl.

But (ta dah!) out of the house a simpatic, curious and innocent cacciator of frodo (maybe a city near there) sented all and dissed:"Accident! A lup! Its pellicc vals a sac of solds."
And so, spinted only for the compassion for the little girl, butted a terr the kils of volps, fringuells and conigls that he had ammazzed till that moment, imbracced the fucil, entered in the stanz and killed the lup. Then quarced his panz (being attent not to rovin the pellicc) and tired fora the nonn (still viv) and Cappucciett (still rincoglionited). And so, at the end, the cacciator of frodo vended the pellicc and guadagned (Honestly) a sacc of solds.

The nonn magned tutt the leccornies in the cest. Cappucciett red... beh!, let her stay, because she had capit.

And so, everybody lived felix and content (maybe not the lup!)...

A Story from an Italian who went to San Juan Bautista
To be read outloud with an Italian accent!

I'ma come here to a hotel.
I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waiter I wanna two piss toast. He bringa me only onea piss. I tella him I wanna two piss-he say, go to the toilet. I say you no unnerstan'. I wanna two piss ona my plate. He say you better no piss ona da plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he calla me sonna ma bitch!!!...

Later, I go eata soma dinner at another restaurant, the waitress bringa spoon, ana knife, but no fock. I say I wanna fock. She tella me everybody wanna fock. I say no unnerstan', I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the woman an' she calla me sonna ma bitch!

So I, go back to the hotel, an' there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager an' tell him I wanna sheet on the bed. He say you better not sheet on the bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man an' he calla me sonna ma bitch!!

So i go to check out and the man at the desk, he say peace to you. I say piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch!!

I go back to italy!