* * * * *

I thought I felt a little of the old magic in the air the other night, but I guess I was wrong again. One of these days, like my friend, J.G., I will learn that you cannot repeat the past. Funny thing, though ... the past is not even worth repeating.

* * * * *

I never wanted to be this cyncical, but I found truth. Is it my fault that it bothers me that other human beings are being persecuted and oppressed each night as I go to sleep, while those who can do something about it coolly look the other way? Meanwhile, I, for all my smarts, am left powerless to do anything about it. I do what I can. I hate it in my heart and I speak openly about it, refusing to look the other way or justify any of it. If this has left me cold or pessimistic, then so be it. For, if I ever reach the point where I can ignore the world around me, then I will truly have lost touch with reality.

* * * * *

I still listen to that song because it is emblematic of a time in my life when I was, so to speak, at the height of my powers. I was more confident than ever and the whole world was lined up for me to take. I did not want the world, though. I wanted her and I had no idea where to begin.

* * * * *

I once thought that I woke up from a dream and was heading straight on to the future. Years later, I again feel as if I have been stumbling along from one spot to the next. There is no clear plan, the horizon is not clear. Each time I think I have reached a clear goal, there are always clouds. Still, I found a way to be happy for the first time in a long time.

* * * * *

Each day, each dream, one at a time and suddenly everything seems possible again. Sure, it can take a lot out of you, but everything worthwhile does. Just as long as you do not ask me to sacrifice a part of me, I am still willing to fight the good fight. Deep down, it is the only way I know how.

* * * * *

"Don't let the dream die", the voice said. I was never sure where it came from, but it went on, "if you let one dream die, what of the rest? If you cannot do anything about it now, at least fight for it in you heart." "Yes, but they said I have to let it die so that other dreams could have a fighting chance", I replied. Maybe I would know who to listen to if I could just determine where that voice came from.

* * * * *

It is not too late you know, however it will not be easy. The thing is, partner, you cannot save them all, not even some of them. You have got to save yourself and to do that you have got to cut through all of their lies. That is just half the battle, though, because the issue is not about becoming disillusioned, but what to do about it when you are finally sure it is your face you see in the mirror in the morning.

* * * * *

The friend is so sure that she is wrong for the kid. The kid is damn sure it will never work out with her. Still, it does not stop him from missing her. Why doesn't he pick up the phone?

* * * * *

If I could give you some piece of advice, it would be this--believe in the impossible. Trust your own sense of greatness because you can touch it and it is worth every bit of the effort.

* * * * *

First there was the betrayal, followed by the anger. He acted too fast and when the dust settled, he regretted the consequences. The friend told him that it did not matter, but he did not know the full truth behind it. When the friend found out everything, he shook his head, but could do no more. This time, he takes the course of inaction until come such time that his feelings settle and a prudent move can be made. Will he wait too long?

We like to think that we are cool, calm and collected. It lets us think that we are in control. Unfortunately, this is not true. We react to emotion. It suits us to think that we planned a logical move. Yet when we truly stop to plan a move, life flies by us and we regret the moment we did nothing.

* * * * *

Yeah, the world is falling apart. It's okay though, cuz there is another party across town. Get in the car, last horseman out cut the lights.

--15049...nearing final words.