Orgasmo

Orgasms

Most Orgasms
For 22 years, Doctors William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian of the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in Long Beach, California, have been faithfully recording the orgasmic response in their laboratory. After hooking up subjects to blood-pressure and heart-rate monitors and various sensors in the vagina or anus, the doctors would sit by the beside and take copious notes as the subjects busied themselves. In an attempt to head off accusations of prurience, they say such research is stupifyingly dull, saying they had to "struggle to stay awake." However, they overcame the tedium to spend 10,000 hours in the laboratory. After several false starts (originally they had the subjects push a button whenever they had a orgasm, but during the heat of the moment they usually became too preoccupied to be concerned with the cause of research), the study continued apace, eventually encompassing 751 individuals. The most orgasms they recorded in an hour for a woman is a staggering 134, while the best men could do was 16. How we lesser mortals can hope to achieve anything in that vicinity was not discussed.

Longest Orgasm
Male Yet another example of inequality in the sexes. The typical male orgasm lasts anywhere from 3 to 8 seconds, though its possible through deep breathing and regular exercising to extend it to…oh, maybe 10 seconds or so. Pitiful, you may think, compared to the Herculean orgasms accomplished by some women, but sex is usually measured in terms of satisfaction of the male; in fact, the anthropologist Margaret Mead uncovered societies in which the female orgasm is unknown. So I guess it all evens out in the end.

Female As you probably know, women are capable of multiple orgasms without having to rest between. However, as savant Cecil Adams expounds in his book More of the Straight Dope, women are capable of so much more:

What you probably didn’t know is that women are capable of sustained orgasm, called status orgasmus. These start with a 2 to 4 second "spastic contraction" and last twenty to sixty seconds. Masters and Johnson (1966) published a chart of one woman who experienced a 43-second orgasm, consisting of at least 25 successive contractions. Status orgasmus is usually the result of self-stimulation, but a woman can experience it at the hands (or whatever) of a suitably skilled lover.

Fastest Orgasm
Male Certain rare individuals—1 in every 1250 men, to be precise—can ejaculate by deliberately concentration on sexual fantasies without any genital manipulation whatsoever, for a total time to orgasm to be…well, right around zero seconds. As Kinsey put it: "In such a case the psychic stimulation is entirely responsible for the result." Truly, the mind really is the most powerful sex organ.

Female In his book, Dr. Kinsey & The Institute for Sex Research, Wardell B. Pomeroy recounts the case of one extraordinary woman who had near-godlike powers in the sack. His words: "I remember one woman who was capable of from fifteen to twenty orgasms in twenty minutes. Even the most casual contact could arouse a sexual response in her. Observing her both in masturbation and in sexual intercourse, we found that in intercourse her first orgasm occurred with two to five seconds after entry." [My emphasis] Ladies, eat your hearts out.

Largest Ejaculate Volume
Besides us, who else would be concerned about ejaculate volume? Why, fertility experts, of course. If ever in the vicinity of a large library you might want to dig out a fun article entitled "The semen of fertile men: statistical analysis of 1300 men," by Aquiles J. Sombrero, MD et. al. and published in The Journal of Fertility and Sterility. The data were collected from an outfit that performs vasectomies. Prior to vasectomy each man was required to submit a specimen in a special container, on which was recorded the time of collection and the duration of abstinence prior to collection. The length of abstinence is probably the most critical factor, as it has been calculated that a man generates about 0.4 ml of seminal fluid for each day of abstinence. The mean volume recorded was 3.2 ± 1.4 ml, but some were really off the scale: one star produced 11 ml of fluid, more than three times the average. Another source, Reproduction and Sex (Swyer, 1954), opines "volumes up to 15 ml have been recorded," though it doesn't say where. No doubt there are some who claim to have seen larger deposits, but I suspect under close scientific scrutiny such claims don't quite (heh-heh) measure up.

Arousal

Fastest Erection
Erection speed is determined by many factors, such as fatigue, how much alcohol you've imbibed, the general health of the organ in question (you do include pubococcygeus curls in your daily exercise regimen, right?), and the degree of arousal. In Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) Kinsey records a few remarkable individuals who could achieve erection in as little as 3 seconds.

Longest Sustained Erection
Before the introduction of Viagra, men suffering from impotence often underwent surgery for penile implants, the simplest of which consists of two bendable, semi-rigid rods that are inserted in the penis through an incision. When you feel the situation demands an erection, you just bend you wazoo into an upright position (see photo), since what you basically have is a giant pipe cleaner. The chief drawback of this method is that you are left with a permanent erection, which can be something of an embarrassment in locker rooms and whatnot. Such surgery was pioneered in 1972, which means there are men waltzing around with boners lasting 27 years.

Non-surgical conditions of unusual erection durations are called priapism. This is the unfortunate result when blood is unable to drain as it would in a normally flaccid penis. Priapic erections can be caused by blood disorders, such as sickle-cell anemia or leukemia, but sometimes stem from an inexplicable application of stupidity on the part of its owner. A Guyana newspaper awhile back carried the story of one meatball who, wishing to prolong an upcoming rendezvous with his girlfriend, overdosed on cantarden, a drug used for putting horses to heat. Sure enough, the drug had its intended effect, but the man discovered, to his horror, that his penis had become painfully erect and refused to go down. After days of agony, he reluctantly sought medical assistance, hoping he could keep the whole thing confidential. Luck wasn't with him, and when the word slipped out he soon became a laughingstock, nicknamed "staff sergeant" by the locals. I mean, talk about adding insult to injury. After three weeks of humiliation and misery he underwent surgery. Now the only problem is he can't get it up. Ouch. Take lesson from this, folks, and leave the drug experimentation to the professionals.

Most Prevalent Position
Arabs call it "the manner of serpents". In Tuscany, it's known as the "angelic position." To us, it’s the "missionary position," (erroneous, because in all likelihood missionaries had nothing to do with it--the term dates to the 1960s), where the woman lies down on her back with the male on top of her. Though some societies favor other positions (Polynesian cultures, for instance) for the majority of nations it accounts for 75% of all the positions used by married couples and a somewhat smaller percentage for unmarried. Here in America it's especially popular, used exclusively by 85% of married couples (see Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, Little, Brown, and Company, 1994).

Promiscuity

Most Virgins Deflowered
On his third voyage, in 1777, Captain Cook visited the Pacific island kingdom of Tonga, where he met King Fatafehi Paulah (reigned c. 1770-84), 36^th of the Tu'i Tonga dynasty. A corpulent but husky octogenarian, the king claimed that it was his royal duty to deflower every native maiden. He said that he had never been with the same woman twice and was presently performing his appointed task 8-10 times a day, every day. Assuming he never wearied of his geis, and subtracting an arbitrary 65 days a year for illness and whatnot, he would have despoiled around 37,800 damsels during his reign.

Busiest Lover
Male Here’s a rundown of the leading contenders in this category:

1. Anonymous (b. c. 1900)—52,000
   In his famous 10-year sex survey, Alfred Kinsey noted the case of a man whose frequency of coitus was 33.1 acts a week, over a period of 30 years—almost 52,000 in all. Other researchers have recorded examples of people who have engaged in sexual intercourse twice a day for 30 years.
   
   
2. Wilt Chamberlain (1936-2000)—20,000
   In his autobiography A View from Above the legendary basketball star claimed to have intercourse with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Presumably a large percentage of that figure can be attributed to groupies, who are always an eager outlet for the super athletes libido.
   
   
3. King Ibn-Saud (1880-1953)—20,000
   From the age of 11 until his death at 72, the Saudi Arabian monarch had sexual relations with three different women every night—except during battles. Using the same method of conjugal computation as for that of Brigitte Bardot, Ibn-Saud would have had a total of 20,000 different liaisons throughout his lifetime. When I first read this it brought to mind a famous Mel Brooks quote: "It’s good to be the King!"
   
   
4. John Curtis Holmes (1944-1988)—14,000
   Having lost his virginity at age 12 to a 36-year-old friend of his mother, John early on began on a path of sexual indulgence that would ultimately cost him his life. Blessed with an inordinately large manhood—by his own account 10-inches long—John used his asset to launch his successful vocation as a porn actor. At the height of his career he was making $3000 a day from films and reportedly as much selling himself as a gigolo, in addition to the payback and graft he was getting by drug running. Through such bacchanalia it's estimated he copulated with more that 14,000 women in his life, both on and off screen.
   
   
5. King Edward VII (1841-1910)—7,800
   Rebelling against his strict childhood, he turned to indulging himself in women, food, drink, gambling, and sports. Though married, his wife turned a blind eye to his extramarital activities, which continued well into his sixties and found him implicated in several divorce cases. Its estimated he slept with about three different women a week for nearly half a century.
   
   
6. King George IV (1762-1830)—7,000
   At the age of 17, this English monarch was said to have become "rather too fond of woman and wine." Like his father he lived extravagantly, earning a reputation as a notorious gambler and a heavy drinker. When not boozing it up he would enjoy himself in the embraces of numerous mistresses. An apparent hair fetishist, he would ask each of his lovers for a lock of hair, which he would place in an envelope to be properly categorized and labeled. After he died his brother went through his personal belongings and found 7,000 envelopes, containing enough hair to stuff a sofa.

Female

1. Julia the Elder (39BC-14AD)—80,000
   Daughter of Roman Emperor Augustus, Julia was beautiful, intelligent, highly educated, and witty. Everything a woman might want was hers, save one: sexual satisfaction. And this not ten men, nor a hundred, nor a thousand could provide. Even as a young girl she delighted in exhibiting her flawless body publicly, preferring to wear translucent garments to maximize the exposure of flesh. It was during her childhood that she embarked upon her amorous adventures. Her lovers soon numbered in the dozens, then hundreds, then beyond, said to encompass half the virile youths of Rome. Still not satiated, she began offering herself to every passing stranger, whatever his color, age, or appearance. With a band of lascivious Roman women she wandered through the streets, accosting passersby and sometimes dragging them into the nearest alleyway, where the transaction would be swiftly concluded. She persisted in her unseemly behavior for many years, until exiled to the lonely island of Pandateria.
   
   
2. Mlle. Dubois (c. 1770)—16,527
   "In the 12 years I have been married I have been had by perhaps 10,000 to 12,000 individuals," declares Mme. De Saint-Ange in Marquis de Sade’s Philosophy in the Boudoir, a character based on Mlle. Dubois’ exploits. As it turns out, this astonishing figure is still far below the actual number tallied up by the renowned French Actress, who made a catalog of her lovers over a 20-year period. The final count: 16,527 individuals, which works out to about three per day.
   
   
3. Valeria Messalina (22-48 AD)—8,000
   The wife of Roman Emperor Claudius, Messalina used her venerable position to compel subordinates to fulfill her sexual desires. At first she confined her activities to tame palace affairs, but her desire to indulge in the wildest of sexual excesses led her to search out new licentious adventures. Once she converted a palace bedroom into a brothel, disrobed, gilded the nipples of her tiny breasts, and invited the male public in to be entertained for the legally regulated fee. Another time she challenged a noted prostitute to a contest, insisting she could entertain more men in 24 hours than her rival. Pliny the Elder writes that Messalina won "for within the space of 24 hours she cohabited 25 times."
   
   
4. Brigitte Bardot (b. 1934)—4,980
   At the age of 40, the French film star boasted in an interview that she "must have a man every night." Assuming that her need began at age 20, and subtracting an arbitrary 76 days a year for travel, illness, etc., that would mean Brigitte had a total of 4,980 nights of sexual activity—and that’s without considering daytime liaisons.
   
   
5. Ninon de Lenclos (17^th century)—4,959
   France's greatest sexologist during the 17^th century, she set up a finishing school for she was once proposed by Cardinal Richelieu to spend a night with him in exchange for 50,000 crowns (worth about $20,000 in today's currency). She took the money, but sent a female friend in her place.

Most Sex Acts
Male For the aptly titled flick The World's Luckiest Man (Vivid, 1997), porn actor Jon Dough was required to do it with 101 women. Yeah, I know, the sacrifices we have to make in the line of duty. Ever the trooper, he managed 55 in one day, speedily moving from girl to girl (and act to act), climaxing between 5 to 6 times. Taking time off to recuperate, he did the remaining 46 two weeks later.

Anyone hoping to accentuate their video collection should know the movie suffers from the same problem afflicting the World's Biggest Gang Bang flicks (see below): i.e., exceptional quantity but questionable quality. If you want to preview it yourself, you might want to clear your schedule beforehand: the film is three-and-a-half hours long.

Female One of the stranger manifestations of recent times is this obsession with big: big movies, big business, and now, it seems, big gangbangs. The first of these, by a 22-year-old student named Annabel Chong who had a voracious sexual appetite worthy of the mantle, was banged 251 times by 80 guys in a 1995 extravaganza (for free as it turns out, being screwed the 252^nd time by sleazy porno producers who stiffed her out of her $12,000 fee). In April 1996 the record was surpassed by the sultry Jasmine St. Clair, who engaged in sex 300 times with 51 different men. Unfortunately for those hoping for a little eroticism this time around, it was obvious that Jasmine could barely conceal her revulsion at the industry and was only there to pick up a paycheck.

On February 1999 a woman named Houston set out to break all the records for a new video, sensibly titled World's Biggest Gangbang III. First, however, she would need to scrounge up some volunteers. An intense publicity drive was launched, including a couple appearances on Howard Stern, where she enticed listeners to be one of many to "sleep with" Houston. The pitch was certainly effective: The thought of making it with a 36DD blonde bombshell got the attention of every involuntary virgin and dateless wonder in the country. On February about 60 of the more intrepid ones arrived, armed with the required $85 HIV tests. Also along were a passel of news reporters, at least 40 "professionals" no doubt hoping for some free publicity, and an uncountable number of curiosity seekers. At 11:30 a.m. the spectacle began. Despite the grand buildup and hype, the sex itself seems in comparison anticlimactic. Like the preceding gangbangs, speed was of the essence, so men were hustled up to the waiting Houston and given a fixed amount of playtime. After 10 hours of work, intermixed with a few brief breaks, the results were computed. The final tally: 620 times.

Or so they say. The prevailing view among the crowd was that the numbers were heavily padded, derived by a brand of arithmetic that would make defense contractors green with envy. Many a cynical observer noted the count seemed to grow at a faster rate than the action warranted, and would inexplicably leap at times. Were the producers counting penetrations, the number of times of physical contact, or every mope who watched? At best this number reflects the organizers desperation in one-upping their equally disingenuous rivals, and at worst outright fraud.

In an interview with Salon.com Houston told one reporter "No, no. It's not about sex…[The guys are] in and out. It's an event. It's a world record. It's just a freak show, basically. It's for fucking freaks. I mean, I wouldn't watch it. I have Jasmin's video and I still haven't watched it." You may want to follow her advice.

Longest Lovemaking Session
When a reporter asked Mae West (1892-1980) how she went about writing her memoirs, the legendary sex star quipped, "I do all of my best work in bed." She wasn't kidding. In her autobiography she writes of how she and a sexual prodigy named Ted made love for 15 consecutive hours.

Celibacy

Earliest Celibacy
Chastity didn't hold much value to our earliest ancestors—if you're not propagating the species, then what good are you?—and so individuals unwilling to perform were looked upon with something akin to scorn. Celibacy as a cultural value first appeared in the fifth century BC with the development of Buddhist and Jain monasticism in India. Of course, India during this period was experiencing severe food shortages and overpopulation, so maybe they were just reacting to the times.

Oldest Male Virgin
Life-long celibates don’t usually go around proclaiming their frigid existence, but I was able to turn up some info on several, and the oldest I could find was none other than the great scientist Sir Isaac Newton (1642-1727). Newt, it seems, was such a prude that he didn’t get into any relationship until he was middle-aged, and most historians believe it went unconsummated. It’s also unlikely that he availed himself of, you know, commercial outlets. In the end he died a virgin at the age of 85.

Feats

Weight Lifting
Chi Kung is an ancient Taoist art of body control (it dates back to 2700 BC) and claims to resist disease, retard aging, prolong virility, and for all I know give oneself X-ray vision. Some have taken this unique art to new heights, claiming to achieve sexual nirvana by strapping weights to their penises and doing repetitive lifts. No kidding.

Practitioners of this brand of Chi Kung begin their sessions with an hour-long warm-up to stimulate the senses through breathing routines and stretches. After the blood has been stimulated, the men retreat to a small room and dress down to nothing but a T-shirt and a blue cloth wrapped around the midsection (nudity is strictly taboo). After the penis has been manually stimulated, barbells are then hooked onto a coat-hanger-like apparatus, which is tied securely around the base with a scarf. Students then commence the workout, which consists of several swinging and lifting motions designed to really work the muscles. Beginners start out with two and-a-half pounds, and some have eventually progressed to hefting truly colossal weights—we're talking in the hundreds of pounds. A striking demonstration of this was made in 1995 by a Hong Kong master named Mo Ka Wang, who lifted over 250 lbs. two feet off the floor. Sounds pretty impressive, and even if the supposed benefits fall flat you'll at least have an extra method of carrying groceries.