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Rejection:
A Spiritual Perspective
by
Staci Backauskas
We've
all dealt with rejection more than once in our lives, and we know
how it hurts. But have you ever considered it as an important evolutionary
message from your Higher Self? This uplifting article inspires us
to do so, by trusting that our soul knows better than our intellect
what we really need.
Rejection
can make you want to curl up in fetal position and not
come out until steak is considered a health food.
We've
all
had our fair share of rejection. From childhood we experience
this phenomenon called "Rejection." Maybe you were
the last to be picked for the gym class basketball team.
Or you felt the sting of not feeling welcome at a particular
table in the cafeteria. Maybe you were the only one
not invited to a "friend's" birthday party.
In
adolescence, we faced being rebuffed by someone we were interested
in romantically. There was also possible rejection
from sports teams, clubs, attempts at running for a
student council office or applications for advanced placement
classes.
And
the risk of rejection certainly didn't
end with high school. It followed us, like an intimate, but
irritating, friend into adulthood. Potential employers, hoped-for
dates, friends, family and sometimes even our children
rejected us.
Rejection
and Self-Evolution
Before
I was on a path of conscious self-evolution, I would handle
rejection by being defensive. "They don't deserve someone
like me, " I would cry. I might have a tantrum of sorts.
But eventually I'd pick myself up and move on, trying
my best to not give it a second thought. Most of the time,
because of a strong intellect, I succeeded. But handling
it this way never allowed me to heal.
When
I moved into the pop psychology phase of my life, it was
all about the rejecter projecting his/her insecurities and
fears onto me. It was very easy to see someone else's issues
of self-doubt clearly. Plus, it allowed me to take the
focus off of me because I certainly wasn't in a place to be
looking at my challenges. This was an easy solution to a difficult
situation. But it also didn't allow for healing.
As
building faith became a daily aspect of my life, I slowly moved
into the "My perfect path is unfolding before me" stage.
I might not have always understood why I was being rejected,
but if I was going to have faith in a higher power,
then I had to believe that if that person/situation was
best for me, things would've turned out differently.
I used
faith for many years to explain rejection. I also need
to admit that I didn't fully honor the emotional aspect of
it. I kind of sucked it in and forced myself to believe everything
was happening for a reason, even if I didn't understand
it. And I felt that if I expended energy feeling hurt,
it was energy poorly spent. Again, utilizing the intellect
to deal with rejection leaves no room for healing.
The
True Purpose of Rejection
Recently,
I've reached a new level in understanding the purpose
of rejection in my life. I've experienced major personal
rejection over the last six months - and from people
who I believed would always be there for me in a certain
way. Traditionally, it's not something I handle well.
It's
hard to not ask yourself, "What's wrong with me?" It's tempting
to try to convince ourselves that things would be different,
if only. "If only my nose was different. If only
my degree was from a different institution. If only my butt
looked better in a bathing suit." This kind ofself-flagellation
only serves to perpetuate negativity. But it's
also behavior that is familiar to most of us.
There
are going to be times when what we want and what others want/need
is going to be diametrically opposed. How do you not take it personally?
A step toward that end is realizing that when something doesn't
go the way you want it to
go, it is not YOU that is being rejected. It is YOUR SOUL rejecting
what does not honor it.
I'm
not saying I still don't have to deal with the human ego emotion
of hurt. God/dess created humans with emotions. To deny
them is to not honor the sacredness of what God/dess created.
It may not feel good, but the discomfort doesn't last
forever. And the only way to release emotion is to feel
it as fully as possible first.
I think
that dealing with the hurt will always be part of the
process to some degree when a "rejection" occurs. But it sure
stings a whole lot less when I realize that what I said I
wanted somehow didn't honor me - nor the person I'm evolving
into. I've also noticed the intensity of the hurt has
diminished as well as the duration.
Faith
is the only thing that has gotten me to this point. My
faith that my path is unfolding the way it needs to is a big
part of the reason the door opened and I was able to experience
that revelation. When the boardroom in your head is
standing room only, you can't possibly hear what your true
voice of spirit is saying.
We
all have those voices bouncing around in our heads -- bequeathed
to us from our parents, teachers, friends and family.
Voices that many times speak for us as opposed to from
us. We've watched and learned a lot about how to deal with
rejection from these sources. Isn't it time we heard what
our souls are telling us about how to handle it?
The
Sufi's equate the mind with a drunken monkey -- constantly
jumping. Quiet time, Quiet time, Quiet time. It's
the only way to calm your mind. Recite a mantra. Count the
length of your inhalations and exhalations. Repeat an affirmation.
Focus your mind so that you can quiet all of the
voices in your head. Then you can really hear what your spirit
is telling you.
Take
the time for yourself! Experience your own revelations.
And the next time you experience rejection, be willing
to feel the hurt. And take comfort in knowing that, on
some level, your soul knows better than your intellect what
you really need.
Copyright
© 2000 Staci Backauskas
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