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Due to increasing product liability litigation, alcohol manufacturers have
accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels
be placed immediately on all alcohol containers/bottles:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you
are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over
and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thayshings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened
to your trousers.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse
with the other sex without spitting.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu
powers.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morningand see
something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember)
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns
on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH
you.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum,
whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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